Now that you’ve been introduced to her book Found Art, I’d like to introduce you to the author, Leeana Tankersley. Recently she answered some questions for me which I am happy to share with you:
How have you been able to transfer some of your Bahrain experiences (as a Navy wife) to your life back in the States?
When we first returned from Bahrain, I was in such a strained state of re-entry. I had no idea how to jump back on the spinning merry-go-round that was life here. My memory of those initial months in the States is predominately exhaustion, and I cried a lot because I wanted to go back to Bahrain. I wanted to be the me I was when I was there, and I didn’t see how that me was possible in the mind-numbing pace of San Diego.
Over time, I realized I needed to find ways to integrate my experiences with my new context. So I spent time (with friends and with a spiritual director) identifying what changed in me when I was in Bahrain and what it might look like to bring those changes into the here and now. How was my true self unearthed and exposed back in Bahrain? How could I nurture those values and desires and passions back in the States? What challenges was I facing as I tried to bring the Bahrain me home?
I began thinking about the things that brought me back to life and then kept me alive in Bahrain, and I began seeking out those same things here: beauty, creative expression, companionship, quiet. I choose to believe that those gifts weren’t just for then and that place, but those gifts are waiting for me today, in this place, if I will have the courage to pay attention. It’s been a journey of holding on and letting go. I’ve had to choose to nurture my true self instead of succumb to the pressure of my particular context.
What advice would you give military wives about how to adjust to a new overseas assignment?
Be patient with yourself. Change is difficult, and it’s so very easy to underestimate the of effects of stress. Even if you’re a seasoned vet when it comes to moving, it still takes a lot of energy to work through the imbalance and disorientation, especially when you’re moving overseas. Making new friends, finding the grocery store, settling into a rhythm — all these things took more time than I wanted them to. My frustrations would come out in weird ways and at weird times (i.e. full on crying in the spices section in Mega Mart because I couldn’t find cumin), and that felt confusing and out of control at times. When I realized the impact of the stress, I was able to accept it, embrace it, and then give myself some space and time to settle in.
What have you learned from being a military spouse that you could not have otherwise?
Being a military spouse teaches me to live in the unknown and learn to function day-to-day without control. I hate , and even resent it at times, but I also see a formational purpose in having to relinquish my plans, my desires, my life. If nothing else, letting go has taught me a lot about sacrifice—the pain and beauty of giving up something I want for the sake of someone else—which is a very spiritual practice.
I have also learned that I can survive. Rarely is my brand of survival pretty. It’s the small triumphs of getting out of bed, taking a multivitamin, and doing my best despite the numbing presence of fear and worry. But, that’s something.
Throughout the book, there are moments of decision when you must decide to move forward with courage or succumb to fear. What would you say to others (especially military wives) who are faced with taking a risk but are afraid to step out?
The greatest triumphs of my life have had some level of risk associated with them. Leaving home and going across the country to college, attending graduate school, marrying my husband, living overseas, writing, pursuing motherhood — these were all frightening endeavors. I’ve tried to be honest about the fear I’m feeling. Naming it helps to lessen it’s power. Once I’ve identified the fears, I usually come to some point of decision that involves moving forward in spite of being afraid. It’s not about waiting until the fear is gone; it’s about resolving that I’m not going to make decisions based on fear, that I’m not going to let fear rule my life.
You talk about Bahrain being healing. Can you explain that more?
One of the greatest gifts I received in Bahrain was the gift of space. Life so rarely affords quiet and peace and time. In that stiller pace, I was able to hear my own soul, the voice of my true self and not the self of productivity, acceptance, and competence. Because of that, I think I was finally able to hear many of the things God had been saying to me all along. In that space, pain surfaced, truth arrived, and there was something incredibly healing about confronting the truth about myself and my life. It wasn’t always neat and clean. As I wrote in the book, healing often requires things to get worse before they get better. But, in the end, truth sets us free.
Tell me a little bit about your background and your family.
I was raised in San Diego, California, but my parents were transplants from Louisiana, so I’m an unconventional collaboration of slack So Cal and taut Cotton South. Both my parents are very smart and very well educated and both my siblings (and both their spouses) are very smart and very well educated. Doctorates galore. I’m basically the weird one. I probably make at least some of the people in my family a little bit uncomfortable.
Other noteworthy and formative facts: I was raised in a Baptist church; My parents divorced when I was young, so my older sister (Laura) and my younger brother (Trey) and I grew up living with my mom; I began playing competitive volleyball in the seventh grade; My first literary-love-affair was Dickens’ A Christmas Carol; I grew up with chronic asthma; My mom taught at the high school all three of us attended and was my eleventh grade English teacher; We spent many summers camping at the beach.
After attending college and graduate school on the east coast, I returned to the west coast. I met my husband (Steve) two years later, and we were married in 2003. We immediately moved overseas with the Navy and lived our first year of marriage on a tiny island in the Persian Gulf.
We now have thirteen-month-old b/g twins, Luke and Lane.
What do you like to do in your spare time? Hobbies?
I work on most any kind of amateur creative project—shopping at salvage stores, making collages or other found pieces, repurposing anything and everything. My best day is time spent finding new ways to use twine and manila tags and magazine clippings and chicken wire and tin snips. My latest project is an old metal locker I picked up off the side of the road with a “free” sign on it. Can’t wait to give that thing some new life.
I read, though it eternally troubles me that there’s just never enough time to get to every book and blog and magazine and line of poetry that calls to me.
I spend time with people who really know me.
I go out to brunch.
I sleep. Sleeping is the perfect hobby!
I sit on the floor at Barnes and Noble with a decaf Americano, my husband, and a huge stack of books featuring French homes, Italian homes, Wine Country homes, Spanish homes, Mediterranean homes, you get the idea.
What has God been teaching you lately?
I’m still making peace with motherhood, still trying to find myself in this new life. Settling into motherhood is taking longer than I expected, and some days that feels like a failure, though I know in my head it’s part of the process. I’m in tears more than I’d like to admit. God is reminding me that he sees me, and though he isn’t always making it easier, he invites me to ask for help, to be honest about my need, to reach up to him, to be creative, and to take time to rest. These are simple lessons, but they are profound, too. I’m learning to trust the process, to lean into it, and to believe that something meaningful will emerge out of the churning. Some days I can stay in the center of these truths, but there are still some days, as I suspect there are for all of us, when life gets the better of me.
