Keeping the Spice in Your Marriage During a Deployment

by Jocelyn on August 3, 2010

by Tonya Nash

If you haven’t already read it, get to know Tonya by reading the recent interview we posted with this “Christian Mommy Writer.” We are so blessed that Tonya has agreed to be a monthly columnist for, so you’ll be hearing more from her on a regular basis! Now let’s see what she has to share with us this month:

The marriage union is a beautiful covenant between man, woman, and God.  It’s a promise to wholeheartedly commit to your spouse for the rest of your life. 

Being married to someone in the military can sometimes put an interesting spin on things.  There are often times of involuntary separation due to TDYs, deployments, war, and other military obligations.

Even the Bible has a Scripture on marriage and war:

Deuteronomy 24:5 NIV

If a man has recently married, he must not be sent to war or have any other duty laid on him. For one year he is to be free to stay at home and bring happiness to the wife he has married.

In a perfect world, the military would abide by this rule and we wouldn’t have newlyweds spending their first year apart.  But sadly, we don’t live in a perfect world.

Whether you are newlyweds or a seasoned married couple, it’s important to stay connected with your husband during a deployment.  Staying connected doesn’t just mean keeping your husband updated about the bills.  It goes further than that.  Staying connected also means keeping the fire burning! 

Here are a few ways that you can keep the spice in your marriage while your husband is deployed. 

  1. Send love letters.  I know that in our digital age, everyone uses email, chat services, Twitter, and Facebook.  But there is nothing like having a handwritten letter from the one you love.  When your husband is deployed, getting mail makes their day.  Try writing a series of letters, such as “My Top Ten Favorite Moments with You” or “Ten Reasons Why I Love You” and send the letters one at a time.  Sending the letters in order doesn’t mean that your husband will receive them in order.  Be sure to number the letters on the back of the envelope.   
  2. Celebrate special occasions. My husband was deployed 8000 miles away on his birthday, but that didn’t stop me!  With Skype, he was only a computer screen away.  I decorated the area behind my computer with streamers, a happy birthday sign, and balloons.  My son and I had party hats and blowers to complete the party look.  My husband was so surprised and happy when he signed on and realized that he was having a virtual birthday party. 
  3. Look Your Best.  When you get the opportunity to Skype with your husband, be sure that you look good.  Don’t come to the computer with rollers in your hair or the same sweats you had on during the last conversation.  Do your hair, put on something nice, and give them some eye candy.  I understand that sometimes it’s not possible, especially when you have kids running around, but at least put up the effort most of the time.  Your husband will appreciate it!  Trust me on this one. 
  4. Send surprise care packages.  Buy him something he’s been wanting but never officially requested.  It’s okay to include art projects that the kids made, but make sure you include a personal gift.  Take a current picture of yourself and include it with a nice romantic card. 
  5. Stroke your husband’s ego. Assure them that they are still needed and desired. For example, “Honey I sure miss how you (fill-in the blank)” or “Remember when we (insert fond memory here).”   Do this on a regular basis. 
  6. Make plans for the future.  This creates great anticipation and happiness.  Plan a getaway trip just for the two of you after your husband returns, even if it’s just for one night.   Besides, it will be long overdue. 

Military marriages certainly have their share of absences, but keeping the fire burning during a deployment can certainly make the heart grow fonder!

About the author:
Tonya Nash has been a military wife for seven years and is preparing for her husband’s third deployment.  Visit her blog at for inspirational posts about faith, military life, and mommyhood.