Happily Ever After?
Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven;
Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.”
Matthew 5:3-4
In just about every artistic rendering of a soldier’s homecoming, be it a song, a movie or a television commercial, we are left with an emotional high that tells us all is well again. But if military wives assume their reunion with their husbands is a fairytale ending to their separation, disappointment is almost sure to set in.
“I have seen way too many military wives build up a fantasy in their minds about what life will be like once their husbands are home—and then be destroyed when this fantasy was not a reality,” says National Guard wife Mary Whitlock. Mary says the hardest part of war wasn’t her husband’s deployment; it was when he first came home. His multiple concussions, exposure to constant combat and chlorine gas resulted in loss of short-term memory and an extremely heightened sense of anxiety, which resulted in frustration and anger.
When author and Navy wife Marshele Carter Waddell’s husband returned from Iraq with only a broken leg, she praised God for his safety. “Now, months later, I sense that his leg is the least of our concerns,” she says. “He is healing outwardly, but his soul walks with a limp.”
As Marshele’s husband goes through war’s aftermath—the invisible wounds of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder—she and her children have little more than patience, devotion, and hope in their arsenal to help him win this battle on his home turf. She describes the experience this way:
“Life tries to return to what it was before, but can’t. He fights against the relentless surf trying to move back to the sandy, safe shore but is drifting further…swept out by a current of guilt, memories too painful to speak, questions to difficult to ask, the suffocating guilt of watching others die when he lived instead, the helplessness of not being able to save a friend, the naked ache of being so far from home, from love, from security, living in a dusty hell under fire at all times, fighting for what seemed an ungrateful and divided nation.”
In the Old Testament, God was also called “the Lord Who Heals.” One of Jesus’s many names in the Bible is “Physician,” a name well-suited for one who performed so many healing miracles on both the physical and spiritual levels. While God works through modern medicine and counseling to heal the war’s injuries of body and mind, we can also entrust the healing process directly to Him, the Author of Life itself. As we pray for healing for our spouses, we can also be praying for large doses of patience for ourselves.
Patience is the only thing that keeps Mary’s relationship with her husband strong. “When our partners are easily triggered by small things, remember this is not a reaction based on our actions, but their experiences.”
Ask
How can I discipline myself to be more patient with my husband?
Pray
This prayer was written by Marshele Carter Waddell:
Lord,
I cannot see the wounds caused by my husband’s war-zone experiences; but, You can see them. Only You can heal him. Help me to come to You and to trust You to intercede for us when I cannot find the words. I ask for prayer partners who will remember to pray for us, come what may. I need someone to talk with, Lord, someone who has dealt with this before. Please provide Godly counsel and direction.
Amen.
*The above devotion is an excerpt from the book Faith Deployed: Daily Encouragement for Military Wives (Moody Publishers 2008). Visit the Faith Deployed blog and bookstore.
